I once identified with the Irish myth of Deirdre. She was going to be forced into marriage to an older man she did not love, she ran away with a young man she did, they were betrayed, of course. Irish stories tend to end sadly, especially love stories. My story is a bit different, but I was too long in a relationship with a person about my own age who did abuse me. I was too cowardly to leave until I met someone who I felt rescued me. My rescuer turned out not to be so much of a "Naoise" though, not so truly a hero and I eventually learned to stand on my own two feet and we broke up.

Think domestic abuse is something that doesn't happen to high school students? Actually it's not uncommon, "domestic" abuse doesn't just happen in a living together situation or a marriage, a lot of teenage girls are beaten, burned, and raped by their boyfriends everyday. More are abused verbally and emotionally and if you think that's not "real" abuse, please consider the fragile ego of most teenage girls and the VERY high suicide rate! How many have attempted and often succeeded at suicide because they were convinced by some guy that they were worthless? How many of us thought about it to the extent that it interfered with living and seemed not to matter if we lived or died? That's traumatic, trust me.

I got out of the physically abusive situation only when another guy came into my life. But a friend finally woke me up to the fact that my "Naoise" was abusive too, even if only verbally and emotionally. I was doing only a little better, but I WAS depressed and did come close to suicide several times. So finally I realized that I was the only one that could save me! And I got out of that too, by myself.

I really realized how far I came when I saw a friend in an emotionally (that's all I've witnessed) abusive relationship and I realized what was happening--including the abuse starting to carry over unto others in the circle. Sadly, despite efforts to help my friend, she will not wake up to what has infected her life and I had to leave the situation. It was a hard choice, I wish I could stay and help her, but at this point I realize that by standing by when I can't do anything I am supporting the abuse. Leaving makes me feel I've abandoned her to this, but also is the only way I can make the message that I can't accept what is happening to her. I try to make it clear that if she ever wants to leave, I am here to help her. To a large extent this page is for her.

If I could get out of it, anyone can. If you're in an abusive relationship there are ways out. These links may help you. (But please remember if you share your home and you are surfing from there that your abuser may be able to find out where you've surfed! You can however clean out the history and cache files or you may wish to surf at a friend's or a library.)

Domestic violence links

A Safe Place (local NH, NorthEast MA, and Southern ME Shelter)
Family Violence Prevention Fund
Domestic Violence, Family Violence, Child Abuse Page

Sexual Assault support links

Sexual Assault Support Services (local NH group)
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (call 1(800) 656-HOPE to reach a local crisis center!)
Sexual Assault Information Page

Text is copyright  1999, 2001© Fraoch Donahue

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